I got chris browned last night
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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