I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
