I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize