i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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