Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
