I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
