if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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