I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize