Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
