2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
