just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
