she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
