I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
