I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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