Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I hate all girls vehemently.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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