I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
