just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
