I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
