I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
