You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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