it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
