Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
