; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Randomize
