I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
