Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His hands were made for my vagina.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
