Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
