I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
