This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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