i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
