Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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