on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
