Can Purell be used as lube?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He passed out mid-signature
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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