That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
