I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
