I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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