YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
