woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
