please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
