Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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