Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
NoShamevember. You game?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
