ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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