well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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