Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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