The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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