Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I would ride that face into the sunset
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
