I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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