Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
