You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
