I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
