i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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