You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
