I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
