So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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