Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
