so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
