you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
