this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
