Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
