I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
