I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
