you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
