do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
