it hurts more in the daytime
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
