Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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