3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
