so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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