I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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