Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
pray to the hookup gods
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
