oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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