ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
