I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
