I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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