maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
