can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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