I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
