the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How does one acquire holy water?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
