Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
