In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
