im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just had sex on a roof
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
