Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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