dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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