I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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