Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
not ubering you a puppy
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
