With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
